Push a Little! Check More Often!

My son, Regie, been choosing between computer science and computer engineering since he stepped high school. His impression is that engineering requires high mathematical knowledge. He is now 4th year high school and getting close to college. A day before school started, I checked his timeline and read his tweet, "Ewan ko ba.. kinakabahan nga ko sa College ee... gusto ko din kasi Animation kaso yung income iniisip ko". Second day of school, when he started doing his prerequisites for his Math subject, he felt frustrated and thought that he is not good enough to take up engineering. Hmmm, now I know why he was anxious to step college. So I asked him if he wants to change his mind of pursuing his dream. He just looked at me with his meek eyes and gave me no answer. I never said a word. I never doubted, and I know that he never gives up, but I never pushed him hard to do better in Math. He is a History geek and why would I be mad if he lost his interest in numbers and formulas.

"Nose bleed"

"What duh.....?!!!!!!"

Day 2 of his prerequisite exercise, I noticed that he was so confused. I challenged him by saying, "Are you tired? You want me to answer the rest of the problems for you?". Looking exhausted yet determined, "No, I can do this, Nanay. Just give me some more exercises to refresh what I have learned from the previous school years". So I did, I helped him by giving more exercises similar to the problems in his book.  After he completed his target prerequisites for the day, his exhausted looking face became pleasant. Then he said, "I think I can easily recover, I'm having fun with Math once again". I asked, "So you're good with computer engineering course again, huh!". He replied, "A little push is all that I need and I can get there myself."

As he was solving the last few portions of his Math prerequisites, he just laughed out loud as he realized the tricks and discovered the secrets of Mathematics. Well, he's really having fun with Math again.

Hmmm, what did I get from our anecdote?
- Kids these days are in to social networking. If other kids do not want their parents to invade their privacy, not with Regie and his kid sister, Nadine. They never put their Facebook posts and Twitter tweets to private. I'm trying not to miss every single post and tweet they made. One of my friends told me to leave them alone, give them privacy and not to religiously check their timelines 'coz they are not getting any younger. Why would I? They might not be able to share all of their instantaneous thoughts to me. Checking their timelines is one way of knowing how they feel and what they are getting into. I wouldn't know that Regie was confused on what to take up in college if I did not read his tweet.

- I was surprised that at his age, he's trying to balance between interest, capability, and income. When I was at his age, I was so idealistic that I never cared about salary as long as I got the profession that I love. Maybe because he is so considerate and he knows our expenses, how costly it is to send them to school and provide their needs. Sssshhhh, I've read this in his twitter, "Daming bayarin. JS, field trip, graduation, retreat, etc. XD"

- My understanding in "Encouragement vs. Praise" got deeper. I recently read in a parenting site that encouragement is more helpful than praise. Encouraging children by giving the descriptive outcome of their actions and decisions would help them become self motivated. While praising children by telling them how others react on their accomplishments would give a lot of pressure that make them feel anxious of not satisfying others' expectations rather than to focus on their interests. As a famous line in a classic commercial goes, "Supportahan taka!".

Still a lot to discover about my kids and come across to many lessons on how to deal with them. And I cherish every single detail of our interactions, and I never want to miss their posts and tweets. Because these are my ways to get to them closer and closer; make me feel confident that they doing well; and there's a bright future awaits them.

Best friends



The BFFs: Donnie Bernadine and Bernadine Erika

 A week ago, during the foundation concert at the shool of my son, Regie, I noticed that my daughter, Nadine, suddenly looked so sad when a girl performer sang one of Adele’s songs after her kuya’s (big brother) song & dance number. As any mother would do, I hugged her and asked what made her feel upset. Was it because her kuya's number was over, it just began? Or isn't she happy on how the girl rendered Adele’s song which is her and her best friend’s favorite? With teary eyes, she said that she suddenly thought of her best friend, Bern (Bernadine, yep, same name as hers), and they were not in good term for two days then. Bern already had a new good buddy and she missed her a lot. To comfort her, without asking what the root was, I told her that everything will be alright and it’s not easy to just forget their friendship. She’s got lots of good friends, and why not have fun with them to make her feel better. And her tears began to fall saying that Bern is the best among them, and she loves her the most. It’s a very heart breaking moment for a mother to see her child crying and knowing how deep her emotion is.



After Regie's concert. Notice Nadine's teary eyes.

Even her Kuya Regie was so concerned and gave her advice, it's just one of growing up kids' awkward moments, and everything will be fine. I wanted to talk to Bern and help them settle their differences, but I well remembered that I experienced the same situation when I was in high school. By ourselves, my best friend (Amy) and I managed to settle the gap between us and made our friendship stronger. So I shared to her our story, ensured that they will still be best friends no matter what and their routine will be back to normal: hang out in Bern’s house for a while to have their snack after class, talk in the phone for almost an hour after they finish their homework, endless story sharing as if they haven’t seen each other for years, singing their favorite songs while having their video call in the internet (hmmm, video call, Bern lives just few blocks away from us), comfort and complement each other, and so much moments envied by their classmates, friends and teache

Few days after, on my way back home, my daughter sent me a message saying how happy she is, she is in good terms again with Bern. When I got home, I asked her to share how they mended their gap. It was as simple as saying “hi” to her best friend when she saw a collage of their pictures that Bern made in her mom’s tab. And Bern also said “hi” and asked Nadine to get closer and embraced Nadine tightly. It’s so sweet, so refreshing; a feels good moment to know how they easily forget their differences and start all over again. Now they are closer than before and nothing can ever break their bond.


Imagine how life looks simple to these two young ladies. No prides to keep, no pretences, no hiding of emotions, no egos to protect, no insecurities. They never wasted time, patched things instantly, and never waited for their gaps to get wider. Imagine if life for each one of us would also be that simple:

- There would probably no significant clash among relatives (think of how members of the family compete against each other for a political position).

- There would definitely be no pulling down but helping up (think of how a close friend creates gossip out of insecurities to devastate a friend’s reputation).

- There would be no greediness (think of how a brother take the life of the other just to become a sole recipient of bequest)

- Problems would be so simple, easy to settle, and world would definitely be a better place to live.

To Nadine and Bern, your story inspired me to always go back to basic, and to strongly keep all the values I gained since childhood. You’re not only best friends, you’re sisters, and don’t let anyone take that away from you. I’m sure you will experience a lot of different situations as you grow up. But leave the bad ones behind; keep what you have learned from them to be stronger. Take the good ones along; let them nourish your hearts to be more righteous and considerate to others. Bernadette (Bern's mom, yep, same as mine) and I always love to see you happy together and keep your inspiring friendship forever.